Chapter 1
My mother doesn't love me.
I'm not just saying that: it's the truth. She always wanted a daughter. Someone who could follow her footsteps, who could show the world that women don't need anyone. She wanted a girl just as pretty, just as smart as she is. And getting a son was her greatest failure.
I'm not just saying that: it's the truth. She always wanted a daughter. Someone who could follow her footsteps, who could show the world that women don't need anyone. She wanted a girl just as pretty, just as smart as she is. And getting a son was her greatest failure.
She grew up in a strict, Christian family. The kind of family that taught her to be obedient to men and that her only goal in life was to have children, to cook and clean.
But mom wanted more. She wanted a career, lot's of money and luxury. People had to look up to her: she had to be the example of how a woman could be independent and still be succesful. And having a daughter would complete the dream she had in mind.
But mom wanted more. She wanted a career, lot's of money and luxury. People had to look up to her: she had to be the example of how a woman could be independent and still be succesful. And having a daughter would complete the dream she had in mind.
And -to be fair- she got a lot of those things. Once she run away from home to start a new life in a new city, she worked her way up in a big company. Never taking a day off, never even calling in sick. She worked every holiday and I caught her working at home during the weekends, whispering numbers and preparing presentations. Her only reminder of having a son, was when I was crying as a baby or making a mess as a kid.
There was no money for toys or even a proper bed. I slept in a corner of her room on an air mattress. But there was always money for things like a jacuzzi, the things that could show her wealth. One time I begged mom for something as simple as a stuffed animal, but she only looked at me in a strange way and said:
'Well, once you got a job and earned the money, then you can buy one.'
I was seven.
'Well, once you got a job and earned the money, then you can buy one.'
I was seven.
Mom finally got me my own room when I was a teenager. I guess she was sick and tired of sharing her room with me and the money that came with her promotion helped a lot.
I also stopped going to school: there was just no point. Mom didn't care for me, let alone my grades, and I always got into arguments with my classmates and teachers anyway. So I took a job working as a lifeguard, to pay for a real bed.
I also stopped going to school: there was just no point. Mom didn't care for me, let alone my grades, and I always got into arguments with my classmates and teachers anyway. So I took a job working as a lifeguard, to pay for a real bed.
I thought about running away many times. Starting over in a new town, just as my mom did. But then, one day, I met Evy. I was on a date with a Demi, my only classmate who didn't totally hate me, when I noticed her. Beautiful brown hair, big eyes... She was looking kinda lonely, sitting on a bench and browsing her phone. While Demi was talking about all the things I was missing in school, my eyes kept wondering off to the beautiful angel sitting just a few meters away.
And when Demi had to excuse herself to go to the toilet, I knew that this was my only chance to talk to the girl on the bench. We started talking and everything just felt... right. I forgot about Demi, forgot about time and even forgot about my mother and the sorrow at home. We talked and talked, until it got dark and cold and she had to get home.
'Can I see you again?' I asked her.
'Only if you give me a kiss,' she answered. It was my first kiss but I knew that, from that moment on, I wouldn't wanna kiss anyone else other than her.
'Can I see you again?' I asked her.
'Only if you give me a kiss,' she answered. It was my first kiss but I knew that, from that moment on, I wouldn't wanna kiss anyone else other than her.
So here I am. Today is my birthday. My mom ignored it, like she always has. I guess it's not a surprise, nor something to be sad about but I can't help it. There's a lot of bad blood between us and we barely talk. She's still working day and night and I spend all my time working out, hoping to get rid of some of the anger and the rage that has been consuming me for years. The only good thing that happend today is that Evy moved in with me. My mom got very upset and started screaming that this was 'her home' and that I 'couldn't just do what I wanted.' But I'm an adult now.
Evy said that I deserve a life of my own. She's right. Mom will be old soon, she could die any day from now. It might sound harsh but I cannot wait until that happens. I wanna start a family of my own and give my children all the love I never had. Her death will be the beginning of my life.
And with the most beautiful woman in town by my side; what could possibly go wrong?